“Apes” Caesar to Lead Next Civil Rights Movement

Race War Chronicles
by Sara Silver
Washington, DC

Civil rights leaders from across the country have come to unprecedented unanimous agreement that a fictional primate that only exists on screen has a better chance to facilitate long term racial harmony in America.

Roscoe P. Coltrane of the Hazard County, Georgia NAACP chapter animatedly made the case over a phone call this afternoon. “White folks are busy with things like shopping, stockpiling guns, and discouraging minority representation at the polls during primaries and elections. Seeing regular black people protesting and asking for reform is old hat to modern day rednecks!  Now, make ’em think Caesar’s gonna crash threw their plate glass windows… now you got their attention!”

NAACP’s new Character Driven Protest Division plans to bring Caesar to life through 3-D animation projection to speak at various functions, in a fresh attempt to champion voting rights reform, poverty eradication and community outreach to disenfranchised citizens. “Public Enemy says whites fear a black planet, but what they really fear is payback for slavery. If Reagan can get elected President by scaring people into thinking Russians will come and get ’em, just think of what we can accomplish if they think talking orangutangs will drive them out of their homes if they don’t stop being greedy?” Mr Coltrane stressed, “It’s time for Democrats and Progressives to play the same kind of hardball Republicans do, why not kick it up a notch on top of that?”

When asked if members of the black community would likely bristle at the thought of being represented by a chimp they have been falsely accused of resembling since the Colonial Era, Mr. Coltrane took a long pause before stating, “Look, the NAACP doesn’t have a lot of ‘colored people’ to tell us about this stuff, most of the lawyers in the whole place are white. We’ll take this under advisement when we decide to move forward.” After another pause, he concluded, “The movie looks really good too, huh, you gonna see it, Sarah?”

Ballet Teacher Falsely Charged For “Making” Scared Whites Cross Street at Night

Photo of Gus Cenac, reacting to scared white women crossing the street to avoid him at night.

Race War Chronicles
Written by Sara Silver
New York, NY – June 29, 2014

Gus “Hammerhead” Cenac, known to friends as a mild mannered carpenter and ballet teacher, was arrested and scolded by Bronx police officers for scaring several young white women who have just moved into the area he has known his entire life.

Officer J. Crumbkey refused to comment, but was overheard muttering, “If it were my daughter, I’d be scared FOR her, did you see the size a ‘dat [that] guy?”  Officers immediately released Mr. Cenac from custody, after a phone call rant from a 6’ 5″ tall Eleanor Cenac, a brown-skinned librarian who wanted her husband home.

“I told him to wear his plaid shorts and fedora tonight, I mean what kind of large black man walks around this town in jeans and a t-shirt, since that Zimmerman guy killed that kid for standing his ground?”  She began, after granting an interview.  “I don’t care where you’re going, I warned him, but it’s after 9pm, if you don’t put these on, you’ll scare half the white girls in the neighborhood!”

“What kind of man wears plaid shorts, Sweetie?” Mrs. Cenac voiced changed, mocking her husband of 4 years, “It’s hard enough being a ballet teacher in the Bronx, I’m not pushing things further wearing plaid shorts on Bruckner Boulevard!  Who should be scared of me?  I graduated Summa Cum Lard Ass at Blankety Blank Blank, and I have a right to walk down the same street as a bunch of ignorant college girls pretending to be all liberal, when they’re not.”

After I discovered Mrs. Cenac would not break her mocking voice character to explain what she meant, I chalantly left their home, which was left to them by Mr. Cenac’s mother upon her death 30 years prior to this incident.  Mrs. Cenac persisted, “Even his mother told him on her death bed, ‘Don’t leave the house without your plaid shirt, young man, or they’ll follow you around Macy’s like J. Edgar Hoover looking for a man to love.'”

Upon leaving the house, Mr. Cenac was seen several yards from his home, arguing with two of his intimidated neighbors who were trying to apologize to him for their irrational fears.  “This is the Bronx, idiots, if you cross the street and call for help every time you see a black guy at night, you’ll never get anywhere!”  Mr. Cenac snapped.

“We’re really sorry,” one young lady began, “But what would you do if you were walking around at night and some big bla- ,” stopping herself, she left the scene without any further comment, refusing to identify herself.

“I’m not allowed to walk around my own neighborhood at night, you fake liberals?  I can’t walk around any part of town I feel like, whenever I want?”  Cenac shouted, before slamming his own door home.

A Tony Danzig Editorial

The views of Tony Danzig do not represent the views of ‘Race Against Race’ or it’s terribly handsome publisher.

Tony Danzig is brought to ya by Rocko’s Taco’s, Rocko’s — come for da Deep Fried Chicken Marinara Taco, stay for da Spaghetti & Clams Quesadillas — we leave da shells in OUR quesadillas, not like dose udder guys! — Rocko’s Taco!

Yo, Tony Danzig, here in the greatest city on the planet, New Yawk! People who ain’t from aroun’ ‘ere got no respect for da bruddas, you know. don’t come here making obsavations about folks ya don’t know. Have some frakkin respect, ya know.

Yeah, I know whatchu thinkin — a tough guy like me watching Battlestar Galactica, sayin ‘frakkin’ — what?! What?!

What?! ya don’t think people have cable too. I flip around sometimes n’ catch some a dem Golden Gyrls, or Columbo — I love me some Peter Falk — yo not like dat, but respectful.

But that’s what I really wanted to get to — RESPECT — Dis city’s like half Italian, quarta Irish, and some German, like my Ma, but der’s udder folks here too, like dem Haitians, Jamaicans, and what not, Hispanics… whaddya call… dem Asians, Arabs, some more Irish on top a dat!

But you show disrespect comin’ to our town in ya white pants, with ya chick, n’ like 20 kids walkin like molasses rollin up a hill, ya think ya own dis place, blockin da sidewalks? Sit down before ya fall down, tourists, n’ let da people dat gotta work here go to work. I can’t give you directions, half da time I don’t know where I’M going, you tink I rememba where Nobu is?

So, be nicer to da bus drivers and cab drivers while they’re yelling at you about not yelling at ’em, cuz’ they’re going through stuff ya don’t even know about. Ya think cuz’ you’re from Jersey you can be as bad as I am??

For RaceAgainstRace, dis is Tony Danzig tellin ya, watch ya back, cuz ya don’t know what’s gonna happen when ya ain’t watchin it.

Peace,
TD

(Please send comments for Tony Danzig by hittin’ da reply button down ova der.)

LA Clippers Owner Not Fit For Trial

RACE WAR CHRONICLES — Roving reporter Sara Silver’s extensive look at the continuing race war in America.

This week in our ongoing ‘Race War Chronicles’ series , LA Clippers former plantation owner and racist, Donald Sterling is suspected of being unfit for trial, following a mental health assessment he claims he was “duped” into.

Ya think? Keep the ice on that Mr. Sterling, it’ll sting for years.

For ‘Race War Chronicles’ this is Sara Silver, in sunny and mildly polluted California, wishing you all proper weaponry and a good hunt.

Nothing Funny About Forced Sterilization!

http://www.msnbc.com/all/eugenic-sterilization-victims-belated-justice

You did this, America, and you should be tied to a chair ‘Clockwork Orange’ style to look in the mirror!

I yield the rest of my time to the great Melissa Harris-Perry with this insightful video.

Time for some Beethoven in the background, for me, what are your thoughts?

BBC’s American History Lesson

BBC’s American History Lesson

Thanks to BBC for helping me learn more about Black History.  This user-friendly timeline is just the thing we Americans need to learn about the world as it actually was.

Eat it, FOX News Channel — swallow it whole!
R

FIFA Finding It a Challenge to Pay African World Cup 2014 Teams Coincidental?

Dear FIFA,

The BBC reports that you have been reluctant to pay two teams from Africa. That’s just a coincidence… right?

Go USA!
Ren

Score for the Good Guys!

“You all tried to dehumanize us as human beings,” Kevin Richardson poured out his heart to New Yorkers. “But we’re still here, we’re strong, Nobody gave us a chance, except the people who believed in us. People called us animals… wolf pack.”

Kharey Wise was wrongfully imprisoned for 13 years, along with four other men (for 7 years) for a tragic assault known as the “Central Park Jogger Attack”.

The NY Times reports that three of the men have just settled with the city for $40 million.Our fair city’s new Mayor DeBlasio is making great strides to heal our city from 2 decades of Republican rule.

Too bad he can’t solve all of Mr. Richardson’s problems. Any chance he can ban Rudolph Guiliani from town?

 

Too Soon To Say Goodbye To ‘Stop And Frisk’?

This tragic series of events is brought to you by… McDonald’s –
Anti-Union and Lovin’ it! Bah-dap-bop-bop-dah… I’m lovin’ it!

Slavery,, Civil War, Jim Crow, and now ‘Stop and Frisk’…

Before we leave ‘stop and frisk’ behind, let’s click on this photo and not forget the good times.
We can all say I remember when…

Racing ahead on Race!

Race Against Race is a humor website dedicated to discussing race in America.  The more challenging the topic, the better.

The blogger, Rennick D., is a native New Yorker who loves music, movies, and talking about things most people feel uncomfortable discussing.

He is married and is unarmed.