A Message From Russia to America’s Youth

Vladimir Putin Spotting Something to Possibly Shoot

Dear American Youth,

You shop in your malls, choosing between a wealthy ignoramus, and a woman who hides behind her advisers, all vile I’ll slowly restart a cold war I vill vin.  How do I know I vill vin?  My calculations are simple.

As your lame-duck president (who has no black belt in karate or military experience, as I do) struggles vith your do-nothing Congress and environmental matters, I have entered two fronts, in Ukraine and, as of today, Syria.  Your precious Obama has promised Congressional approval on future vars, vhen you cannot even rebuild your own roads and trains.

I have NATO veto power, vork part-time as a mobster, energy tycoon, and tradesman.  I can do vhat I vant, vhat vill you do?  Impose more sanctions, or vite a scolding resolution?  Vhere is your Reagan and Star Wars missles now?  Do I look scared?. In the words of one of my great predecessors, “Vee vill bury you!”

Love,
Vladimir
Eurasian God

The News of the Day in 3 One-Liners

Who finds time to read when TV season is restarting?  Here’s a short summary of breaking news….

Ben Carson is NOT the first presidential candidate of color to make an UNBELIEVABLY ignorant and backward comment!  Remember “Hymietown”?  I know Jesse Jackson does.

Students of America, good news and bad news.  Women have a 1 in 4 chance of being sexually assaulted while attending college, and men have about a 1 in 10 chance.  The good news, odds are there will be plenty of people who will help you deal with the pissant who harmed you.

Finally, between Stephen Colbert, the new Daily Show on Comedy Central, and John Oliver’s ground-breaking comedy, Daredevil, Orange is the New Black, and the Knick, it is hard to maintain a blog when there’s so much great entertainment around.  Gotta go!

R