Much Easier to Hate Some White People in 2015

Race War Chronicles

It was just three years ago that I dedicated myself to “hating white people a little more”, after living a gullible existence, thinking that I lived in a post-racial time in our history.   Between Ridley Scott’s casting issues in his boycott-inducing film ‘Exodus’, unarmed brown-skinned men being killed, and New York’s mayor being chastised by his own police force for not being as backward as they are, only a fool like Ann Coulter can say that racism doesn’t exist.

The hate I bear is to be tempered against the unconditional love I once held for most people, taught by mass media, teachers and adults that racism was something being worked on diligently by our society.  My opinion is that our mostly white government has done little to promote reconciliation, equality and fairness.  The rift between our President and Black community leaders like Dr. Cornel West is indicative of a leader unable to effectively navigate the system to eradicate poverty, distribute federal resources fairly, and seek justice for the disenfranchised.

After losing some more Facebook friends, and occasional disputes, I have grown as a person this past year, learning that some people who are friends with me want nothing to do with my new mission.  The ‘old me’ from two years ago would’ve written such friends off, but now I know that I can be my usual outrageous self, and not have everyone I know agree with me.

If you don’t agree with my take on racial issues, or don’t like Sara Silver or Tony Danzig, you are free to pretend I don’t have a point.  I will happily place you in the bottom of my stack of “People I can get in touch with, but will likely never hear from me.”  It’s next to my older stack of “Black people who find my outspoken nature toxic to their job security.”  You don’t have to agree with me, but taking to the issue to like minded friends outside of the web prevents the national dialogue from moving forward.  What are you scared of?

Perhaps moderate friends fear to be googled to find one of my angry or misunderstood rants near their name, or fear being called racist.  Instead of working toward electronic privacy, we have collectively opted to allow prospective employers and people in power to categorize us all based on the groups we follow, the articles we read, and anything out of the box that can be deemed as taboo.

Here’s the good news for all my white friends – I ALREADY think you’re racist!  When you have nothing to say about voting rights being repealed, immigration, college admissions, illegal police shootings, Kevin Hart, Tyler Perry, military policy on African women’s hair, Hollywood casting, or unfairness in the workplace or media – I already assume you will say something stupid, as I’ve spent most of my gullible life surrounded by white people saying the dumbest things to me.  Here’s a brief sample:

1.  Use of the term, “Brother” always sends a chill from a white friend OR stranger.
2.  “I’m not racist…”  (as if you would inform me politely if you WERE racist).
3.  “[Anything said after the words “I’m not racist”, as it is usually followed by a racist statement]”.
4.  Being told something I’ve said is racist, when racism is drawn from power I will never have.
5.  Saying there’s nothing you can do to fight racism, after you have apparently done little to even try.

I will spend the next years reinforcing my old resolution to hate white people a little more than I used to, to show where such disdain comes from.  This disdain comes from years of being treated unfairly, particularly at the most important times  of my life.  Experiencing racism when attending class, seeking a job or residence, or just commuting, effects every citizen, whether they see themselves as second-class citizens or not.  I spent my years in high school, college and the corporate world isolated from people of color (as friends of color took issue with my increased exposure to Caucasian friends) lovingly and ignorantly thinking the white friends I have had would be mostly what I needed to get through life (yes, I once seriously thought that).

My love for humanity is now reserved only for people who have proven themselves in these dark chapters of my life.  This middle-aged man, who many white friends decades ago once compared to Carlton from “Fresh Prince”, has been turned into an angry American and a cynical thinker, but NEVER a hopeless person.

I fear someone will read all this and misunderstand my statement, seeing use of the word ‘hate’, and not getting where I’m coming from.

What do you fear when you think about race?

House Majority Whip Discovers Minorities – Sara Silver Chronicles

Steve Scalise planning his campaign to impress Louisiana minority groups.

Race War Chronicles:  A series focused on the Race War in America, told by a 12 year old girl, who secretly gained access to a meeting with Steve Scalise in his chambers.

House Majority Whip Steve Scalise had his staff up in arms yesterday, following stunning news that he doesn’t know what white supremacy looks like, or how Europeans took over America.

“For anyone to suggest that I was involved with a group like that is insulting and ludicrous,” Scalise told the Times-Picayune on Monday night.  After office doors were closed, House staffers scrambled to explain to him what “people of color” means, after decades of simply referring to them as ‘those people’.

“Sir, we are treading on thin ice here,” began one of his staffers, as I hid in a nearby closet, “If minority voters regain power, by reversing all the work the party has done to redraw district lines in our favor, you could lose your seat!”

“I’m the Majority Whip, my butt isn’t going anywhere, and if minorities give me trouble, I’ll use my Whip on them, and they won’t bother us much after that.”  Scalise replied flatly, as a dead silence followed.

“Sir, please never say that again,” another staffer broke the silence, “We’re not talking about House minorities, we’re talking about people of color in your state.”

“I don’t see color,” Scalise began again hotly, “I’ve said this before, I don’t care if your blue, purple or green, the only people I’m worried about are the black and brown ones.  It would be a perfect world if there were Smurfs, or those Umpa Loompahs running around Louisiana, they’re hard working celibates, and would probably be good Christians if we showed them the way.   Those green people, though, are a bit too amorous, if you get my meaning.  Saw a couple of green twins in that new Star Trek movie, and that’s the kind of minority we need to stifle.”

The staffers spent several minutes explaining Colonial history to the House Majority Whip, but were not able to get him to understand how minority groups in his district are suffering.  When an emotionally exhausted Scalise shouted, “What’s the point of getting a whip if you can’t whip anyone?”  The group took a break, where I was then able to sneak back out of his chambers.

While walking down the hall, I saw rising Latino star of the Democratic Party, Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX), shaking his head, saying the following to someone over the phone…

“”It’s hard to believe, given David Duke’s reputation in Louisiana, that somebody in politics in Louisiana wasn’t aware of Duke’s associations with the group and what they stand for.  If that’s the case and he agreed to join them for their event, then I think it’s a real test for Speaker Boehner as to whether congressman Scalise should remain in Republican leadership.”

Live in Washington DC,
Sara Silver

This Race War Chronicle is brought to you by your local community college, teaching such topics as Women’s Studies, Anthropology and History to all people.  We promise, your head will not explode as you sit in the class, but you REALLY need to take a class.  School, it’s not just for liberals anymore.

At Cornell University We Define White Privilege!

Ivy League Honors Drug Dealer

This post is brought to you by Cornell University.  Are you white, wealthy, drug-addicted, and fresh out of prison?  Cornell’s English Program may be the next step for you.  Here’s a real life example of one of our own, shooting heroin in 2010, but now a successful journalist with a great book deal around the corner.

Meet Keri Blakinger, Cornell University’s version of the best and the brightest the upper class has to offer in this year’s graduating class.  “It feels like I just finished a race that was supposed to be a 5K and turned into a marathon,” she said in an interview on Monday, two days after being awarded an English degree.

Not everyone has what it takes to make a living as a drug dealer, and get an Ivy League degree, in a few short years.  Not everyone would even call Ms. Blakinger’s past four years “a marathon”.  But, if you have what it takes to enjoy the best American white privilege has to offer, than maybe Cornell University is right for you.  Talk with your drug cartel today about this exciting offer!

A mock ad by
Ren

Speaking of Stereotypes

A brief tribute to Lawanda Page — Esther from ‘Sanford & Son’, who carried the show regularly, and has set the standard for almost every African American role on TV.

Lawanda Page taught us what ‘attitude’ looks like, but her performance should also be used as a litmus test for what NOT to find in comical roles by living African Americans who want to leave a lasting and positive impression on the world.

I will count the head shaking and “Mmm Hmms” in Chris Rock’s new film when it’s out on HBO, and please note I have not waited until Black History Month to pay tribute to someone who has made the world a better place.

R

Hava Nagila Christmas

This one goes out to all of those nay-sayers who claim Christmas is for Christians.  Take a lesson from the late great James Brown, who has got a new documentary on HBO that is one of the best films made about him yet!

The last half of this classic brings the whole world to the manger, and is safe for deists, theists, and even libertarians!

Happy holidays to my friends of all faiths, except those who take Kwanza seriously, you people need better hobbies!  Yeah, that’s right, I said YOU people!

Tyrion Lannister Knows What It’s Like to Be African American

How can I prove it?  With his three greatest quotes EVER.

“Let me give you some advice, b–tard: Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
―
“I am not questioning your honor, I am denying its existence.”
―
“My sister has mistaken me for a mushroom. She keeps me in the dark and feeds me sh-t.”
― George R.R. Martin

Considering that the Great “Breaker of Chains”, emancipating slaves everywhere is white, the 5th volume features a character simply called ‘The Black Man’, because no other Black is in the book, and MOREOVER the author has created a fantasy world where NO Asians exist whatsoever, it’s obvious I have enjoyed the audio books and series for reasons outside of my interest in race equity.

Tyrion Lannister, however, may be the only decent representation of minority groups in the entire series, it’s unfortunate he is played by a Caucasian on TV (No offense meant to Peter Dinklage’s legendary performance).

Only 5 of 7 Game of Thrones audio book volumes are available so far, but mayhaps Mr. Martin will impress Asians and Africans everywhere in the final two entries.  I’ll hold my breath, but I will at least enjoy seeing how his epic tale concludes.

Ren

Goldie Taylor Upsets MLK

Goldie Taylor’s reaction after reading my editorial.

“To the contrary, whatever measure of change we’ve seen has come through the decades of peaceful and, dare I say, not so peaceful unrest. Yet, they place the lion’s share of blame for our present-day maladies on those who not only did not light the fire, but also are least able to stamp it out. It’s like blaming the renter for the arson committed by the homeowner.”
– Goldie Taylor, former MSNBC contributor

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Goldie Taylor’s latest Ebony article, where she applauds hecklers interrupting Attorney General Eric Holder at the start of his speech at Ebenezer Baptist Church two weeks ago, has upset me.

There’s no place for protesters at a protest, especially when those hecklers are on the same side everyone else is on!  Middle-age black conservatives don’t want angry young upstarts in church, we want them out on the streets protesting, so we can go home to watch NCIS.  That’s what Dr. King would have wanted, god rest his two-timing soul.

How DARE you encourage protesters at a protest, Ms. Taylor, what’s next on your agenda, staffing intelligent people in Intelligence meetings?  Your brand of common sense and level-headed discussion has no place in this new era of the Civil Rights Movement.

Gotta go, ‘Scandal’ is starting soon, and I haven’t made any popcorn yet.

R

Racial Talk Please, But Hold the Races — Tony Danzig

Dis editorial is brought to you by Rocko’s Tacos, home of the Pizza Enchilada.  We call it a ‘killer combo’, but can’t tell you why because of some lawsuits we’re still dealing with.  Rocko’s — Badda bing, badda-BOOM, Amigo!

Hey, white people, I ain’t the kinda guy that thinks too much about racial stuff, and I guess that’s why Ren made me his editor.  But when he sent me this article, about how a lot of white Americans are speaking about this new wave of protesting, I was primed.

Finally, people that look like me have a safe place to talk, without being lectured to by a bunch of angry second-classers, if you know what I mean.  I ALREADY don’t wanna hear it, but now I can talk about white privilege with my own privilegees — That’s my kinda progress!  Finally, there’s a place I can go to where I can talk about why I like Tyler Perry movies.

I really love the part in the article where some Philly artist saw that 91% of people she knew are white.  I was thinking, “Yeah, AND!?”  Why would you want a bunch a friends that you don’t like even talking to?  I’m rocking that ‘white-friend rate’ at like 97%, and I live in Brooklyn, sister, you can’t do better than that?  When I send a great joke about Nelson Mandela or Harriet Tubman, you think I ever want to talk to some black guy I usta go to school with about why I think it’s funny?

White folks need to talk to white folks — no pressure, no messes, none of that, “I love all kinds of people, BUT…”, and the best part is I don’t have to learn about what it’s like being black or Chinese or whatever.  Check the phone network out when you get a chance, but don’t tell your second-class friends, or it’ll be nothing but, “Mmm, hmm,” and “I ain’t colored, I was born ‘dis way!”

For Rocko’s Tacos, I’m Tony Danzig.  BOOM!

KOMOKODA asks Hillary “Where is Haiti Earthquake Money?”

  On my way to the ‘NYPD Chokehold’ Protest this afternoon in Columbus Circle, I stumbled across another interesting protest, launched by KOMOKODA, known in English as the Committee to Mobilize Against Dictatorship in Haiti (komokodanyc@gmail.com).

KOMOKODA claims the Clintons raised billions in Haiti Earthquake relief money through the Interim Haiti Recovery Commission (IHRC), and KOMOKODA has accused the Clintons of corruption, chanting, “Bill Clinton, where is the money?” this afternoon at 5pm, walking down 6th Avenue from Rockefeller Center.  Approximately 20-30 protesters also took great pleasure in referring to Haiti’s President, Michel Martelly, as a “self-avowed crackhead” and degenerate who has helped to cover up the corruption.

Diners at Bobby Van’s Steakhouse, at 120 West 46th Street, had a great view of the jeering crowd, who shouted and the dropped of a fake coffin in front of a known Clinton office, holding the political dynasty responsible.

Hillary and Bill Clinton were unavailable to comment, as most politicians do not comment on things that make them look bad.  If they ever want to, they are free to comment below.

Reporting live in Midtown Manhattan,
Ren

Race Against Race Goes Global!

Getting a few views from England and France was expected, I have great friends there.  Getting views from Australia, Italy, Peru, Germany, and Israel, however, can only mean one thing — RaceAgainstRace must tour the planet!

My imaginary team of reporters and I will dedicate ourselves to find stories that will enrage you; stories taking place near the comfort of your own home.  Yes racism is everywhere.  Are Orthodox Hawkish Jews dominating your Senate?  Are you tired of watching Italian soccer games where African players are heckled?  Llamas taking over your neighborhood?  Worried your son has discovered your Nazi memorabilia stash?

RaceAgainstRace will be there, pretending to know what we’re talking about in your native language, and then ferociously stereotyping your entire culture.  Thank you for your interest, and we promise to use our power for good, until we are appointed to political office, where we will then use our power for evil, destroying you.

Get ready world, the War on Race is everywhere!

Ren