Dear Caucasian Person,
Since it’s so incredibly difficult for you to treat brown-skinned people as equals, try this simple exercise on a 24/7 basis with all of your darker friends regardless of their gender:
1. Pretend the person you’re speaking to is white before you open your mouth and say something. If you suddenly feel the urge to refer to the individual as “Bro” or “My man” or “Girl”, you’re not doing it right.
2. If you have ANY desire to discuss racial issues, how many Chinese or Latino friends you have, or want to impress someone with your incredible love of Barack Obama or Mark Anthony, slap yourself in the face and return to step 1.
3. If you want to move heaven and earth to get some non-Caucasian acquaintance to be your friend, dedicate yourself to following rule 1 at all times, no matter how close you get to this person, even if it becomes a romantic relationship or a “bromance”. Better to take a break from this person or not return their phone calls than break this rule.
4. If you can’t do step 1 while you’re angry or drunk, don’t speak to the person at those times. You must decide then and there if you want to be remembered as ‘someone who can be a jerk sometimes’ OR ‘someone who is racist’. You can always recover from the former rather than the latter.
5. If you watch Fox News regularly, stop reading this page, you are a victim of misinformation and propaganda overload. Seek help from the nearest social science educator or historian. (A real historian, not your friend who is into Civil War memorabilia.)
6. If you find you can’t fully express yourself to the person as you would one of your siblings or close friend, accept your limitations and accept the vapid world you apparently grew up in.
7. If you want to use this person to validate ANY thought you have about race relations or some conservative agenda, slap yourself and return to step 1.
8. If this person dresses up as a pirate for Halloween, and part of you wants to refer to that person as a “{Insert race here} pirate” slap yourself harder, and, yeah you guessed it….
9. If you want to write a comparable set of rules like this for some non-Caucasian group, remind yourself who killed American natives in the 19th Century, continues to screw them regularly, enslaved a race of African people, rejected that large boat of Jewish refugees during World War II, then slap yourself several times, and return to rule 1.
Again, if you find this exercise too difficult to do on a daily basis, accept your limitations and remain a backward person. Fox News will always need an ignorant audience.
Let’s make the world better,
Ren
Race Against Race! 